Lex's Story: From Surviving Abuse to Running the NYC Half Marathon for NO MORE

Studies have found that running is extremely beneficial for victims of trauma, and people who  suffer from PTSD. Not only does it help people process emotions, but it also helps victims regain  a sense of control. Running became a huge aspect of my recovery from abuse. Not only did it make me feel strong, but it helped me regain my sense of freedom.  

On October 13th, 2022, I was brutally kidnapped and beaten by my boyfriend at the time, taken  from the Ramapo College campus after I was harassed, threatened, and stalked for hours prior. He was also a student there. I was told that I would never get away from him alive. I did not  think that I would get away from him alive.  

Our relationship began almost two years previously, in December of 2020. I was almost  immediately swept off of my feet. We went from not knowing each other to being together  almost every day. He was always taking me on different adventures: dates, hiking, and skiing. I felt like this was my first real relationship. Unfortunately, things were not good for long.  

The cruelty didn’t start immediately. First, it was constant texting. Then, it was constantly  facetiming me so he could visibly see where I was, what I was doing, who I was with. It became telling me what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, who I had to remove from social media,  what pictures to delete. I thought that this behavior was normal because it is so normalized on  social media, movies, television, and music. Let me be very clear: none of this behavior is healthy and should not be considered normal.  

The first time that he got physical with me was 6 months into our relationship. I caught him  cheating and he lost his temper with me. He shoved me and wouldn’t allow me to leave his  house. Once he had calmed down, he got down on his knees and begged for my forgiveness. He  told me that he was broken, that he didn’t know any better, that he needed me. I forgave him - I  felt like I had to fix him and fix the childhood abuse that he had endured and witnessed as a  child. I went back.  

It became much worse each time he put his hands on me. Once because I hadn’t gotten my oil  changed. How dare I forget to go to the mechanic on time? Once because there were guys at the freshman college orientation event that I attended. How dare I be breathing the same air as  someone of the opposite sex? Once because my phone died during the night and I didn’t respond  at 3AM. How dare I not be awake and ready to respond at that hour? Once because I wore a  sports bra to a workout class. How dare I? Once because I accidentally made eye contact with a  man. How dare I? Once because I was playing games with friends during a ski trip. How dare I?  The second to last time, I was strangled, in my own bed, because I refused to buy a plane ticket  and fly to Miami the very next day with him. How dare I?  

I tried many times to get away from him. I tried to break up with him in person. I was left with  bruises. I tried to break up with him over the phone. He would break into my house. I tried to get  in my car, drive away, and then break up with him. This worked, until he started breaking in and  taking my cat and leaving with her. He knew that by calling me, and forcing me to listen to her  helpless meows, I would come back and agree to stay with him. He threatened my family, my  pets, my friends, my job, and my education.  

The last day he put his hands on me is burned in my memory forever. I will never forget the  terror that I felt when he held the knife to my throat and told me to drive. I can still feel his fist  on my face, beating me mercilessly while I was trying to drive. I remember wondering what would happen if I just crashed the car, it seemed as if that’s what he wanted with the force he was  putting into the blows. I hear his voice echoing in my head, telling me he was going to torture me  and murder me in the woods, where no one would find me. All because I looked up at a male  student in order to avoid walking into his back. I have never, and probably will never again, experience such a lack of regard for human life. 

I took my opportunity to escape when he left the car in order to buy something, forgetting my  keys. Although I was scared, I found a police station, and rushed in to tell them what happens.  They immediately set out to find him, and he was arrested.  I got away. Alive. Saving myself was my most difficult accomplishment, but the one of which I  am most proud. 

It took me a while to understand that I did not deserve anything that happened to me. None of it  was my fault. I was forced to stay in an abusive relationship out of fear for my life and the lives  of those around me. I was a victim at the hands of a monster who wanted full control over my  brain and my body, who manipulated me and made me feel as though I was unable to trust my  own thoughts, feelings, or memories. That was not love. That was not how you treat someone  you love. It was not up to me to fix him. He knew right from wrong. He was an adult, fully in  control of his actions. He knew that his behavior was wrong because he would apologize for it  afterwards. He knew it was wrong because he did everything he could to hide it. I no longer feel  guilty for saving myself, because he would’ve killed me or his next partner.  

The court proceedings were very scary at first. I felt so guilty for a long time. I put a lot of  pressure on myself to not feel guilty, to push away my emotions. But the only thing that got me  through those times were embracing my feelings. My victim witness advocate and the prosecutor were so helpful and explained everything to my family and me.  

In April of 2024, he was sentenced to 7 years in prison for first degree kidnapping. I have never  felt as powerful as I did on the day I was able to share my victim impact statement in front of  him, making it clear that he would never be able to gain control over me again.  

Since that day, I have worked tirelessly to avoid letting him take anything more from me. I found  comfort in working out again, especially running. I started making friends, I became closer with  my family, and I even fell in love with the most kind man I could ask for. I have the most  amazing support system, which is the main reason I am where I am today. Through their  strength, I found my own. I continued working and I pushed to stay in nursing school, despite the ordeal taking an emotional toll. I completed my minor in psychology the spring after it  happened. I am currently in my senior year, and I graduate in May. I completed a nurse externship this summer at a local hospital, and now work there as a patient care technician. I have become a fierce advocate for domestic violence survivors, and I share my story to raise awareness and to inspire others to find the strength to leave similar situations. I create content on social media to reach people across the world. I speak at schools to educate students on toxic warning  behaviors and to remind them that they are not alone. I am so glad that I shared my story because I have helped and inspired hundreds of people to leave abusive relationships, confide in their friends or family about their experiences with domestic violence, go to therapy, or report their  abusers.  

Running the NYC Half Marathon for No More is an absolute honor. I am beyond grateful to be  alive, and blessed to be able to move my body and fundraise for such an amazing organization. As I mentioned, long distance running is very healing for me. It also reminds me that I am not  alone in my journey of healing after abuse, and that recovering loudly is the key to saving lives. Talking about domestic violence is the only way that we will be able to end it.